we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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