Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
