I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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