just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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