No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
