seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
