Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
