How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
