i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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