I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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