My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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