Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
