woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
