you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
