I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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