I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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