Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
