She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
