Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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