If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
