Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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