I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
