mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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