Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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