But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
