don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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