You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
