I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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