i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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