butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
