I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
