if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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