so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
