Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
