Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
