Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
