i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
