the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
