she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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