so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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