he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
