so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
