I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
