I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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