Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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