Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
