ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pappa wants mamma naked
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
