i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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