there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
