hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
