apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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