k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There r osticjed everywhere
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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