:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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