How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
