Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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