how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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