ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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