So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
