she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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