clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Two words: blizzard sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
